Using Your Voice As A Parent

Published on: July 05, 2020

father soothing voice

As parents, we need to find our voice and use it effectively to communicate and connect with our children. By doing so we can set an example about using our voice to express our feelings and to help others, which leads to children finding their own voice too.

By Anette Andersen; Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels

You have a voice and your voice is important. There are so many people who are not using their voices and claiming the space they deserve when it comes to parenting. Believe me, I have been there and I’m still finding my way. 

I didn’t realize that I had a right to stand up for myself until I became a mother four years ago. My whole world changed when I became pregnant with our daughter: I finally felt I had found my place, that I had superpowers that made me feel I could do anything. And I wanted to be the best I could be for my daughter and have tried to use my voice as a parenting tool. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean you always need to make a statement. Silence is also golden; it’s just finding that balance and knowing when to use your voice and when to listen.

We can also use our voice as a form of music. Music has a beautiful way to capture all emotions; it resonates with every cell of our being. Music has the power to heal and calm any storm and our voices can harness that power. 

On that note, I want to share a few helpful tricks on how to use your voice and assert yourself when it comes to raising and connecting with children so that they can also learn to connect with their real voice.

When your child is not listening 

We feel so much regret and shame when we raise our voices to our children to get their attention. I know the feeling when my daughter is not listening and only a sharp sound will get her attention. 

I try to remember to sing her name instead of screaming it. Screaming scares the child and you are only left with that horrible feeling that you did not handle matters well. 

To get my daughter’s attention, I usually sing her name like the dairymaids are calling the cows — yeah, you read that right. I start from a low note and then glide up to a high pitch note. 

When your child has hurt themselves/is upset

When my daughter is crying and it’s difficult to calm her, I put her on my lap facing me. I hold her close, heart to heart, while I hum or sing a monotone note. 

I also use breath with a shushing sound like a wave. The breath is equally important as the actual sound so we need to have a steady breath that is not rushed. Focus on breathing in through your nose and then let out a soft and steady “Shhh” sound while you are holding your child. Rocking back and forth slowly can also amplify soothing for your child. 

Bedtime

I often sing my daughter a lullaby while gently stroking her nose and her forehead. Almost any song your child is familiar with can be turned into a lullaby when you bring the volume and tempo down. When you bring the tempo down, you automatically transform the tune into a beautiful humming lullaby.

I also use my breath strategically in the bedtime sequence. I breathe very steadily, taking controlled long breaths with an open mouth between every musical phrase so that she can feel how our bodies are slowing down together. This way, she automatically follows and copies the rhythm. 

We want to keep our children safe, make a deep connection, and prepare them for the world in the best way possible. When we use our voice to soothe and connect with them they learn to be humble, see other people, and be there for each other and take care of our shared planet. 

By using our voice in the right manner, we can set examples so they can find theirs without hurting anyone along the way. I truly believe when we as parents use our voice positively to help them; when we express our emotions to tell our children the truth; and to admit when we have done something wrong, and when we can say sorry from our hearts, that’s when we show our children the true heroes we are. That’s how we show them how to use their voices.

About the Author

Anette is a voice healer, vocal coach, singer, actress, speech & drama program developer, and jewelry designer. Annette is launching a new page for parents & pregnant mums where she will share breathing exercises, music classes, mindfulness classes, and more. For more information see her website, anettamus.com or Facebook @AnettaMusic. For voice healing visit Facebook: @The.Voice.Within.VoiceHealing, Instagram: the_voice_within_voicehealing


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