Staying Connected with Your Partner
Published on: February 15, 2021
Having children can change the nature of your relationship with your partner but it’s important to make time for each other no matter how demanding the family juggle might be.
By Shachee Mehta
“I don’t seem to have the time to connect with my partner because all my time and energy goes into taking care of my kids.” This thought seems to have grown with a lot of couples during the pandemic. I understand that the pandemic has thrown us all for a loop. It is getting more and more difficult to keep up with a routine and find the balance of couple time vs family time. The to-do lists never seem to end: make meals and snacks throughout the day, clean the house, help the kids with their online lessons, bath time, and the list goes on! Yes, children do thrive and grow from the attention, love, and experiences their parents provide, however, it is just as important for parents to relax and stay connected. You don’t have to choose one or the other; you can be both a good partner and a good parent.
These are 5 easy ways to stay connected with your partner:
Quick Check-In Once or Twice a Day
A quick check-in consists of a few minutes that you spend with your partner, just telling them how you are feeling and how things are going right now for you and vice versa. It may not seem like much but having a quick check-in keeps the flow of communication going. Remember, communication is key! If you are feeling overwhelmed this quick check-in can help you and your partner come up with a solution.
Have Date Night at Home
After a busy and hectic day (or even week or month) of balancing kids and work, it gets difficult to even consider a date. The planning of it, the difficulty nowadays to find a sitter, and not being sure how the rules about dining in a restaurant might change makes it a chore! But date night shouldn’t be a chore or difficult! After the kids go to bed, put on a movie, grab your favorite snack or 3 and just relax with your partner! Or open a bottle of wine and just have a conversation without any screens or disruptions. You don’t have to dress up or even put that much time into planning it but the simple act of going on a date will help increase your connection. It’s not something you have to do every day but once a week can sure help!
Your kids need you to be there for them, even during COVID times (maybe even more so). It is so important to add a little bit of solo self-care for yourself, just so you can be with your partner and your family without feeling burnt out. If you don’t care for yourself, it will be hard to care for your partner and kids. Add self-care time to your daily routine and even include your kids! Set aside a time (30-45 minutes) for you, your partner, and your kids where you all get some solo time. Activities can include reading, journaling, listening to music, doing some exercise, meditating, or anything else that can help you feel relaxed and refreshed. For younger kids, nap times can also be part of their self-care. You will feel refreshed and more ready to connect with your partner and your kids. There is also an added benefit to this: your kids will see this and practice it for themselves!
Gratitude and Gestures Go a Long Way
Showing a little gratitude every day can make a big difference. Saying thank you for little things your partner does or even giving compliments can go a long way to help you stay connected. Little gestures are also another thing that makes a big difference. Pouring out a cup of coffee when you get one for yourself or taking turns to play with your children so each partner can get 20 more minutes of sleep can just strengthen the connection you have!
Parenting is difficult more often than not so remember to be kind to yourself and your partner. You are doing the best that you can currently do and that’s ok! You don’t need to go and have the best connection right away, it takes time. Build it slowly but surely. Small victories count!
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash.
About the author
Shachee is a therapist and relationship coach. She grew up in Bangkok and finished her Master’s in Psychology at the University of Birmingham, UK. She has her own online coaching business that helps couples and singles have the best relationship they can have. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org or her website: shacheecoaching.com
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