10 Ways You Know You Are a Parent

Published on: April 20, 2014

Don’t be surprised if you experience any of these, because you are not alone. BAMBI News takes a humorous look at parenthood. By Francesca Rees Being a parent is the most rewarding and magical experience anyone could ever ask for but most of the time, it goes a little something like this…
  1. You are more likely to find yourself singing the theme song from Dora the Explorer than anything you would hear in a nightclub. (You might remember these places. It’s where you go to hang out at 3am because you want to, not because the sudden unearthly screaming from nearby has dragged you out of bed. Again.)
  2. You know that a single Lego brick left on the floor, which you inevitably find in the middle of the night, is an inhuman instrument of torture.
  3. You have spent at least one evening very quietly watching television in a dark hotel room because the small person is asleep in the corner (and didn’t complain, an excuse for an early night is no laughing matter).
  4. People actively try to avoid you on airplanes.
  5. (Childless) friends or colleagues recoil from you in horror when you recount that (hilarious!) story about the time you dropped your child on its head, walked around with vomit on your shoes or had to remove a crayon from a bodily orifice.
  6. Your handbag/baby bag is crammed with enough supplies to last the first week of zombie plague. (“It’s fine darling, I have enough biscuits, juice and wet wipes for EVERYONE!”)
  7. You have completely come to terms with people starting in-depth conversations about the functions of your breasts.
  8. Placing your face just inches from another human being’s bottom and having a good long sniff? Totally normal.
  9. You nod and give a knowing smile to the great plans for drug-free labour, long lazy afternoons of maternity leave and intensive post-baby gym workouts by your first-time expectant mother friends. You’ll be there for them with coffee and sympathy soon enough.
  10. Your wallet may be empty, your bosom may have shifted and your sleep pattern totally ruined but, given the choice, you wouldn’t change a thing. Well, maybe the sleep…. and the Lego…. and the inappropriate crayons. Overall though, best thing ever!
The views expressed in the articles in this magazine are not necessarily those of BAMBI committee members and we assume no responsibility for them or their effects. BAMBI News welcomes volunteer contributors to our magazine. Please contact editor@bambiweb.org.