Beyond Motherhood: How to Keep Your Individual Identity

By Jeannie Kim

When I was in my twenties, I always knew I wanted children—one boy and one girl. But if you had asked me, “What type of mother do you want to be?” I would have been stumped. Thankfully, I’ve been surrounded by great role models who showed me what motherhood can look like when you nurture your identity, and what happens when you don’t.

Take my mom, for example. Growing up, she was a nine-to-five working mother who somehow managed to prepare every meal at home, hit the gym every morning at 5am, and attend church every Sunday without fail. She was also an incredibly loving wife to my chronically sick dad, who sadly passed away a few years ago. While she was tireless in her dedication to our family, I often sensed moments of frustration beneath her calm exterior.

I’ll never forget a phone call when she had a four-day hospital stay. She joked, “This is a fantastic holiday. I get healthy meals delivered to my feet and can rest whenever I want.” It was a lighthearted moment, but it highlighted an important truth: self-care is not just a luxury but a necessity for every mother.

So, before my first child, Kai, was born, I began reflecting on what kind of mother I wanted to be. I realized that to be a caring and nurturing parent, I needed to take deliberate steps to maintain my identity and ensure I didn’t burn out. Here are the actionable strategies I’ve embraced.

Continue your career pathway

Motherhood shouldn’t mean giving up your professional ambitions. I’ve always envisioned practicing acupuncture until I’m 80. Inspired by a mentor who continuously expands his skills, I integrated Pilates into my practice, trained in Europe and China, and am now pursuing a clinical psychology degree. Despite my four-year sabbatical as an acupuncturist while in Bangkok, I’ve continued expanding my career pathway by completing an honors psychology degree with the next goal of getting a clinical psychology degree when I return to Australia. My ultimate goal is to combine mental health, Pilates, and acupuncture into holistic treatment plans. This ongoing journey keeps me passionate and fulfilled.

Stay connected

Building a support network is essential. I was lucky to find my “mom tribe” quickly after moving to Bangkok. We meet weekly, usually at someone’s house, where our children play while we indulge in wine, cheese, and conversation. Sharing frustrations and celebrating wins with like-minded friends has been a lifeline.

Communicate your needs

In the past, I struggled with communicating effectively in my marriage. A psychologist once told me that men often feel the need to “fix” problems, even when we just want to be heard. Now, when I need to vent, I tell my husband, “I’m not looking for a solution; I just want you to listen.” This approach has strengthened our relationship and made me feel truly understood.

Indulge your guilty pleasures

For me, it’s watching mukbang videos on YouTube. There’s something oddly therapeutic about watching someone enjoy an enormous meal. Everyone has a guilty pleasure; the key is to give yourself permission to enjoy it without guilt.

Explore different hobbies

I’ve tried countless hobbies, from art classes to chocolate making. While not every hobby has stuck, the process of exploring new activities has been deeply rewarding. Bangkok offers a wealth of opportunities and I’ve been excited to try coffee art, knitting, and more.

Contribute to your community

Following my mom’s example, I’ve found fulfillment through volunteering. Since 2023, I’ve been a writer and playgroup volunteer for BAMBI. Volunteering allows me to share my experiences, connect with others, and feel less isolated as a mother in a foreign country.

Final thoughts

Motherhood is a transformative journey, but it doesn’t have to come at the cost of your individuality. By nurturing your passions, building connections, and prioritizing self-care, you can find fulfillment in all aspects of life. Remember, a happy, fulfilled mother is the best gift you can give to your children. To all the expat moms in Bangkok: embrace your identity, lean on your community, and never stop exploring the things that bring you joy.

About the Author

Jeannie is currently pursuing an honors degree in psychology with a focus on clinical applications. Prior to this, she was an acupuncturist specializing in fertility, stress management, and pain relief in Sydney for 12 years. With her unique blend of Eastern and Western therapeutic approaches and maternal perspective, as feature writer, Jeannie promises a valuable contribution to BAMBI Magazine.