Finding Calm in the Chaos

By Jacqueline Ainsbury

I’m not a parent. I don’t pretend to understand the daily reality of raising a child. But lately, I’ve been caring for my mother as her health declines, so I do understand what it is to be exhausted, overstimulated, disconnected, and to forget what peace even feels like. I’ve been in dark places. I’ve lived in the buzz of Bangkok, feeling like the noise never stops, inside or out. 

My mother has carried so much for me my whole life. Now I am holding space for her. In some ways, it has been the most painful thing I have ever done. And yet, through it, I’ve started shedding the unspoken roles and responsibilities she always carried for me. Slowly, I am learning to carry myself. It is heartbreaking and healing at the same time.

So while I can’t tell you what it’s like to parent, I can gently offer what’s helped me climb back towards clarity, presence, and emotional steadiness. These tools helped me, but they may not be right for you. We all have different nervous systems, needs, and rhythms. What matters is that you begin collecting tools that do work for you.

These aren’t overnight solutions. They’re small, often free, science-backed practices that helped soothe my nervous system, rebuild my energy, and reconnect me with the world. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, maybe one of these will give you a breath of space too.

1. Cold water therapy (1)

It started with just thirty seconds of cold at the end of a hot shower. It was awful at first, but then I noticed I felt strangely alive afterwards. Clear-headed. Calm.

Cold water activates the vagus nerve and reduces inflammation and stress hormones. Over time, it helps the body regulate itself more easily. Some days it’s all I can do to manage my mind, and this tiny physical act helps.

No time for a full shower? Splash some cold water on your face, or keep a bottle of rose water spray in your bag or by your bed. Even this small shift can cue the body to reset.

If you have time to escape for a while, Bangkok has a few Japanese-style onsens. Contrast bathing from hot to cold has been shown to improve sleep and mood. 

2. Breathing from the belly (2)

Forget the apps and playlists for a moment. One of the most helpful real-world practices I’ve found is this: I place my hands on the lowest part of my belly and breathe from there, just whenever I think of it.

This kind of breathing, slow and low, signals safety to the body. It shifts your nervous system out of fight-or-flight and into a state of calm. No special setting required. Just a moment of reconnection, even while you’re washing dishes or walking down the street.

3. Tapping (EFT) (3)

Another practice that changed things for me is tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It involves gently tapping on specific acupressure points while acknowledging your feelings, like stress or overwhelm.

At first, it felt silly. But EFT has been shown to significantly lower cortisol, the stress hormone, and improve symptoms of anxiety and depression. For me, it often gives instant relief when emotions start to spiral. You can find guided sessions on YouTube or free apps, like The Tapping Solution, with some, limited, guided videos. 

This can also be fun and playful to do with your child. It’s a way of teaching them healthy ways to process feelings when overwhelmed. A short session can take less than ten minutes.

4. Spotify affirmations (4)

This one surprised me. I didn’t think affirmations would do anything until I started playing them every morning while making tea.

Free playlists like “I Am Enough,” “Self-Love Talk,” or anything by Fearless Soul rewired something in me. Hearing words like “You are allowed to rest” and “You are growing, even when it doesn’t show” made me softer with myself. It lifted shame. And that softened how I showed up for others too. It also helps to repeat the affirmations back in your head or whisper them out loud.

5. The truth about habits (5)

I recently started reading “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. One of the biggest lightbulb moments was this: it’s not about having more time, it’s about having better systems. When I stopped trying to be disciplined and instead started stacking small habits together, things clicked. So now I listen to a positive podcast while cooking, breathe deeply after brushing my teeth, and say one kind thing to myself in the mirror each morning. They’re small actions, but they build a life. You don’t need to feel motivated. You just need to begin.

6. You’re not meant to do it alone (6)

The book “Lost Connections” reminded me that depression is not only about brain chemistry—it is also about being disconnected. From people. From purpose. From nature.

I realized I felt better when I joined groups, even casually. A creative circle. A WhatsApp group of honest friends. An online forum of strangers who got it. You don’t need to overshare. Just being seen helps. The more I opened up, the more people related to me. And I didn’t feel so alone.

If you’re reading this in the thick of parenting, please remember you are not meant to hold everything by yourself. Community can help carry the weight. And we want to. We are in a time when people are beginning to reach out again. Asking for support is not failure—it is strength. And while we still need to be discerning, I have found there are more good people in the world than bad. Maybe I’ve just been lucky. But when I wasn’t taking care of myself, I met a lot more of the bad ones.

7. Be kind to yourself (7)

You deserve to feel safe with yourself, so always speak kindly and gently inside. Speaking to yourself as you would a close friend actually changes, for the better, how your brain processes stress. Harsh self-talk isn’t harmless. It is a form of emotional self-abuse that increases anxiety and depression, while self-compassion supports emotional regulation and resilience.  

And one last thing. Yes, of course, exercise and eating well matter. 

This is your job, not to fix everything but to build your own gentle, evolving toolbox of self-support. Because your well-being matters. Not just for you, but also for the people in your care watching you.

References 

1. Kox, M. et al. (2014) “The Effects of Cold Exposure on the Human Immune System.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

2. Park, JH. et al. (2020) “Health Benefits of Japanese Onsen (Hot Spring Bathing).” Journal of Integrative Medicine.

3. Goyal, M. et al.(2014) “Meditation Programs for Psychological Stress and Well-Being.” JAMA Internal Medicine.

4. Church, D. et al. (2013) “Psychological Symptom Change in a Randomized Controlled Trial of EFT for PTSD.” Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease.

5. Clear, J. (2018) Atomic Habits. Penguin Random House.

6. Hari, J. (2018) Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the Unexpected Solutions. Bloomsbury.

7. Neff, KD. (2003) “The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion.” Self and Identity, vol. 2, no. 3, pp223–250.

About the Author

Jacqueline Ainsbury has lived many lives, from Bangkok to Byron Bay, beauty, burnout, and becoming. A writer, artist, and listener by nature, she speaks little of herself but writes with quiet wit and sharp simplicity. Back in Thailand to care for her mother, she lets experience shape her words.