Finding Support with Fertility Treatment
By Kelly Patten
If your 20s were anything like mine, you were actively trying to prevent pregnancy. As I entered my 30s, notions of pregnancy and fertility began to cross my mind. Should I freeze my eggs? Stop taking birth control pills? Popular culture would have you believe that having sex equates to pregnancy. But alas, it’s slightly more complicated. My husband and I began trying to conceive, and, like most oblivious newlywed couples, we expected to get pregnant within the first month or two. Many months passed, and I was still not pregnant. I took my temperature each morning to measure my basal body temperature, peed on countless sticks to track ovulation, and even bought special lube that supposedly helped the sperm move along to meet the egg. The spontaneous, intimate nature of sex had all but disappeared as I obsessed over timing.
Fast forward a year and still no positive pregnancy tests. At the time I had three pregnant coworkers and was in tears everyday. I made an appointment to see a fertility specialist at one of the well-known hospitals along Sukhumvit. Taking that step gave me hope, until I met the doctor and had one of the worst appointments of my life. The doctor spoke only to my husband and barely looked at me. His bedside manner was nonexistent, and he ignored my concerns that I wasn’t ovulating. After that appointment, both my husband and I felt we had hit a new low. I couldn’t imagine starting fertility treatments with a doctor who didn’t see or hear me.
A friend at the time quietly mentioned an IVF Support Group specific to Bangkok. I reached out to one of the founders of the group, Sheena Flannery, and explained my situation. She warmly welcomed me to one of the most supportive groups on Facebook. Through the group we found a kind and detail-oriented fertility doctor, and ultimately ended up with our two lovely daughters.
Infertility is often referred to as the worst club with the best members. There’s no way to put into words how painful the experience can feel for couples. Finding a support group is an essential part of the journey. I recently spoke to Nina, who mentioned that talking about her experience with others helped her to feel less alone. She shared, “It can feel like everyone around you is getting pregnant or staying pregnant so easily, but often that’s not true. Being open about your experience with friends can help you deal with pain and grief.” I also spoke with David, who shared that as a man he often feels forgotten in fertility conversations. He mentioned that men tend to be much less open about going through the IVF process, but he found it helpful to speak with others beyond his partner.
Fertility-focused support groups abound on social media, and the Bangkok specific one provides excellent advice on finding clinics and doctors. Alyssa shared with me that initially she felt lost when looking for a doctor in a foreign country. The best advice she was given was not to settle on a clinic or doctor. Visiting multiple clinics allowed her to find the doctor and environment that felt most comfortable for her and her husband. Working with a private clinic also allowed her to avoid the pain of visiting the women’s health center at the hospital, where she frequently saw pregnant women.
Being a part of a support group ensures that there are others who understand the very unique sense of dread and hope that comes during the two-week wait after a treatment. I spoke with a close friend, Laura, who shared that she found the time between an embryo transfer and pregnancy test unbearable. Support groups gave her ways to ease the wait and stay distracted.
The World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 6 adults will experience infertility. Perhaps you’ve already lived it or maybe you know someone going through IVF. Infertility does not have to be endured in isolation. Supportive communities like the one here in Bangkok provide a safe space for individuals to connect, find comfort, and realize that they are never alone.
If you would like support in your fertility journey please reach out to the IVF Bangkok Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/ivfinbangkok
All names have been changed to protect privacy.
About the Author
Kelly is mom to Freya and Daisy and recently went back to work as an early years teacher. She previously worked as a primary educator and literacy specialist. Kelly loves reading fiction books, listening to true crime podcasts, and watching Disney princess movies.