By Keren Granit

All parents want their children to grow up strong, confident, and healthy. But in today’s world, where social media, peer pressure, and conflicting messages about food surround us, it can be hard to know how to guide kids toward a healthy relationship with eating.

This article is not about rules or restrictions. It’s about helping children see food as a way to care for their bodies, not something that brings guilt, shame, or fear. By approaching nutrition as an act of love and using evidence-based strategies, parents can lay the foundation for lifelong well-being.

Why a kid’s relationship with food matters more than ever

Children today are growing up in a world where messages about food are everywhere and many of them are confusing or even harmful.

Social media influence: TikTok and Instagram are filled with “what I eat in a day” videos, fad diets, and body-image trends that can leave kids comparing themselves to unrealistic ideals.

School environment: Friends’ lunchboxes, vending machines, and even casual comments from peers or teachers can shape how children view “good” and “bad” foods.

Diet culture at home: Even well-meaning comments like “I shouldn’t eat that, it’s too fattening” can trickle down and influence how kids feel about their own food choices.

Research shows that children who develop a negative relationship with food are more likely to struggle with overeating, emotional eating, or restrictive behaviors later in life. On the other hand, children who see food as fuel and nourishment tend to have healthier eating habits, more positive body image, and more balanced nutrition overall.

Shifting the focus from restriction to care

Many parents worry about sugar, snacks, or picky eating—and understandably so. But when food becomes a constant battle, mealtimes turn into stress instead of opportunities for connection. The key is to shift the conversation away from restriction and guilt and towards care and respect for the body.

Instead of saying, “You’ve had too many cookies, that’s bad for you,” you could try saying, “Cookies are yummy, but we also need foods that give our bodies energy to play and grow. Let’s balance it out with some fruit.”

This framing teaches children that all foods can have a place, but nourishment comes first. It also prevents the “forbidden fruit” effect, where restricted foods become more tempting and often lead to overeating when finally available.

The division of responsibility—a guide for parents

One of the most effective, evidence-based approaches for raising competent eaters is Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding. At its core, it draws a clear line between the parent’s role and the child’s role when it comes to food. Parents are responsible for deciding what food is offered, when it is offered, and where it is eaten. Children, on the other hand, get to decide whether they want to eat at all and how much they choose to eat from what is provided. This simple but powerful framework reduces the pressure that often happens around meals, while teaching kids to listen to their own hunger and fullness cues. For example, if you serve a balanced dinner with chicken, rice, vegetables, and bread, your child might only choose bread and rice. Instead of seeing that as a failure, the division of responsibility encourages trust that, over time—while still maintaining constant exposure—children will expand their eating patterns. Forcing bites or making comments about what they should eat often backfires, while consistent exposure and a relaxed atmosphere help kids learn to enjoy a variety of foods in their own time.

Tackling real-world challenges in 2025

Even with the best intentions, modern parenting comes with unique challenges around food. Here are a few common situations, and how to handle them with love and care.

Social media pressures

Kids may see influencers promoting unrealistic “clean eating” or dieting trends. You can respond to this by talking openly about how not everything online is real or healthy. Remind your kids that bodies need variety and balance, not perfection. Model this by enjoying a wide range of foods yourself.

School influence

Children often compare lunchboxes or feel embarrassed if their food looks “different”. If this is a problem, try involving your child in packing their lunch, so they feel ownership and pride. If they ask for trendy or packaged foods, find a middle ground—sometimes it’s OK to say yes, while still including nourishing staples.

Food marketing and junk food

Fast food ads and colorful packaging are designed to attract kids. It's OK to acknowledge the appeal—“That ice cream does look delicious!”—and then remind them of balance—”Ice cream is fun sometimes, but our everyday foods are what keep us strong for soccer and school.”

Picky eating

Instead of battles, use repeated exposure without pressure. Research shows that children may need to see or taste a food up to 15 times before accepting it. So keep offering them different foods, sit together, and model enjoyment of a variety of foods, but don’t force them to try things.

What parents can do at home

Practical steps to help children build a positive relationship with food:

Model balanced eating: Children learn more from what you do than what you say. Enjoy vegetables, fruits, proteins, and treats without labeling foods as “good” or “bad”.

Create structured mealtimes: Predictable meals and snacks prevent grazing and help kids tune in to hunger and fullness cues.

Encourage body respect: Talk about food as fuel. Avoid weight-focused talk.

Involve kids in food prep: Let children wash vegetables, stir ingredients, or choose between two healthy options. This builds confidence and curiosity.

Keep variety visible: Family-style meals, where children can serve themselves, encourage independence and exposure to different foods.

A new definition of healthy eating

Healthy eating should never be about strict rules, cutting out entire food groups, or striving for perfection. Instead, it is about balance, variety, and the enjoyment of food. When children are taught that food is both fuel for the body and a source of pleasure, they learn to see eating as an act of self-care rather than a moral choice. Parents play a vital role in shaping this perspective by focusing on nourishment, not guilt, and by celebrating food as something that connects families and cultures. A child who learns that vegetables give strength for sports, rice provides energy for school, and ice cream can be enjoyed simply because it tastes good, grows up understanding that all foods can have a place at the table. This broader, more compassionate definition of healthy eating sets the stage for a lifelong positive relationship with food, where care for the body takes priority over fear or restriction.

Fueling with love, not fear

Raising children with a positive relationship to food is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. In a world where diet culture and media pressures are louder than ever, parents have the power to shift the narrative away from guilt and toward nourishment, care, and joy.

By practicing the division of responsibility, addressing real challenges with empathy, and focusing on love over restriction, we can help our kids grow into adults who trust their bodies and see food as a lifelong friend.

About the Author

Keren Granit is a dietitian based in Bangkok, specializing in family and pediatric nutrition. She helps parents confidently guide their children’s eating habits, from picky eating to healthy growth. Passionate about evidence-based, practical advice, she shares resources and guidance at EatWithKeren.com.