The Gift of Gratitude

By Rachel Ofo

Well, we’re nearing that time again—the end of the year. Is it just me, or does it seem like every year passes a bit faster than the one before? It feels like last night I was getting ready for my January wedding anniversary, and all of a sudden, I’m drafting my final article of the year. But alas, time waits for no one, regardless of whether we’re busy, behind, or just plain tired.

The end of the year means similar things for a lot of cultures around the world: party time. Celebrations include Pancha Ganapati, Kwanzaa, Christmas, and Hanukkah. One common practice with most of the December celebrations is gift-giving. Gift-giving at this time of year accounts for a big chunk of spending. According to the National Retail Federation, US consumers plan to spend nearly $900 per person over the December holidays, with the majority of that going on gifts (1). And even for someone like myself who doesn’t celebrate a specific end-of-year holiday, it’s still easy to get wrapped up in all the flashing sales December brings, so I might just grab an Amazon deal here or an unbeatable department store discount over there. Saving money and buying something that will bring a smile to someone else’s face is a win-win.

Who doesn’t love a thoughtful gift? Who doesn’t enjoy feeling loved, thought about, and considered? There’s no doubt that receiving and giving gifts are a huge part of this time of year. However, it’s also important to remember that gift-giving may not always be the best way to express love. Without dampening the mood around the festive season, it’s important to highlight the less cheery sides of gift-giving. Here are some cons I’ve heard from various families surrounding the popular tradition:

• Sometimes a gift feels more obligatory than optional. This means people feel almost forced to give gifts. It may turn into an event to just finish and make it through, rather than enjoy—a routine of opening, thanking, and setting to the side.
• Due to rising costs of living, expected gifts may create unnecessary debt. The number of stories I’ve heard of budgets being exceeded and the anxiety that followed is higher than you’d probably guess.
• Attitudes surrounding gifts may be of entitlement rather than appreciation. It’s normal to expect a gift, especially when it’s been a tradition. However, issues arise when the expectation turns into a belief that these gifts are deserved.
• Consumerism and waste are huge issues. We’ve all seen photos of mountains and mountains of clothes, toys, and trash all mixed up, dumped, never to be gotten rid of. We want to work hard to reduce the amount of waste we add to our planet.
• The holiday season has been known to create an unhealthy demand for both those working to pay for the gifts and those working to create and deliver the gifts. Burnout and anxiety can be a result of this demand.

These cons aren’t meant to guilt anyone who wishes to buy gifts, but to serve as a reminder. In societies where we’re encouraged to buy and spend, despite actual needs, sometimes reminders are nice. In Bangkok, one can’t travel between two BTS stations without passing two or three malls. Shopping culture is huge. I remember some days traveling to three or four different malls in search of gifts to take back home. Every mall was unique and offered its own special charm. This isn’t a slight to Bangkok. Honestly, I loved the options and variety. However, one thing I’ll note is 90% of those gifts I so frantically trekked around busy Bangkok to buy are no longer in sight, or use. Did I have to buy them? No. Most of the time when I traveled back home, all my family wanted to do was sit down and hear about my adventures in Thailand. So how do we train ourselves to move away from something many of us have been conditioned to do?

• Practicing contentment. This means taking a few minutes and thinking about the things that bring you and your family joy. Think less about items and more about the experiences you’ve shared. Toys and gifts can break the more they’re used. Memories get stronger the more they’re thought about.
• If you must buy, aim for gifts that will last through changing years and changing interests. When my daughter was maybe two years old, I bought her some good-quality building tiles. Five years later, they still get used regularly with no breaks—so far. It may also help to buy gifts throughout the year, as opposed to at one time, when prices can be marked up—despite alleged sales.
• Recycling, refurbishing, and regifting are fun ways to get more use out of a pre-loved item. The project can be fun for the family and will help create less waste and more memories.
• Use the first ten months of the year to really get to know those around you and figure out their wants and desires apart from material goods. My husband knows I love the outdoors and wilderness. He recently surprised me with a wilderness training course, and that was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received because he paid attention to my interests over a couple of years. This experience was worth more to me than a new pair of hiking boots or backpack.
• Give your time, your attention, and possibly an ear. My daughter loves toys, but she loves me sitting with her and a library book, doing different voices for all the characters, even more. An easy way to incorporate something like this is to create a new tradition not centered around gift-giving. An example would be waking up Christmas morning to play a game the family has voted on. This still keeps the morning anticipation and time spent together.

Obviously, my list is short and sweet, and you may find other ways for your family to express their appreciation for each other. Find what works and adjust what doesn’t. Lastly, remember the saying isn’t, “there is more happiness in giving material gifts than there is in receiving.” Instead it simply highlights the happiness that comes with giving. This could be your time, your love, and yourself. Just be there with those who love you for your presence, not your presents.

References

1. The National Retail Federation, 2025, Consumers to spend the second highest amount on record according to NRF holiday survey. Available online at: NRF | Consumers to Spend Second-Highest Amount on Record, According to NRF Holiday Survey

About the Author

Rachel Ofo moved from the US to Bangkok in 2016 and spent six and a half years there. She has a daughter, whom she loves dragging around on various adventures like hikes and fishing trips. In her free time, she enjoys reading, watching movies, and trying new restaurants. She also enjoys being out in nature.