Helping Kids Navigate Body Image

By Anatta (Anna) Zarchi

People come in all different shapes and sizes, yet society seems intent on telling us what a beautiful body should look like, especially online. Social media allows people to edit absolutely everything about their appearance, from their body to their face. You already know how this goes—those who fit conventional beauty standards are prized above others, which pushes the message that we need to fit these ideals in order to be worthy of love. 

Children and teens can be especially susceptible to this message as they are still developing their sense of self. Being exposed to unrealistic body types early on can alter the way they view themselves, and helping them navigate this can be tricky.

Social media images 

I’ve seen friends refuse to post a photo without editing some tiny detail that I thought looked normal. I’ve seen people online talk their bodies down, reinforcing to others that there must be something wrong with their bodies too. But here’s something else I’ve noticed: people often criticize themselves for things they find normal in others. Someone might hate their body, but think that someone else with the same body looks great. We scrutinize ourselves for things we are told are unattractive, but the way we view these things in others shows that we might not actually think they’re unattractive. Pointing out these inconsistencies can be a good first step to helping children realize this—it’s not a switch that will immediately change their body image, but it can help start what is often a long process. 

It is sometimes hard to remember that what we see online is very curated, whether that’s through editing, posing, or just what the algorithm shows us. Here are some gentle reminders you can give about why online content may not be realistic: photos and videos can be edited; they can be filmed as many times as needed, until the person is satisfied; people can hold their bodies or pose in a certain way that might not be how they usually look, even though there’s nothing wrong with how they usually look.

The algorithm tends to push what is popular, but that doesn’t mean other body types aren’t beautiful as well. It’s not that certain bodies are objectively more beautiful than others—it’s that society makes us think that. Think about it: different body types have been considered beautiful at different times in history. The mere fact that beauty standards change shows that they are not objective. But that doesn’t mean you have to change with them—we are all unique for a reason. 

These are conversations you can have at home that may help change how social media influences your child’s body image and ingrain in them that all bodies are beautiful. Be open but gentle; if they resist or argue, don’t react defensively, but help them explore why they’re thinking the way they do.

Signs to watch out for 

It is normal to a certain extent for children and teens to think about their bodies even without the influence of social media. But there are certain signs that may indicate a deeper pressure to change their body to fit unrealistic ideals. “Change in food intake is a big one,” says NCS counselor Tatiana. Worrying appetite changes are often accompanied by a change in attitude, or specific, rigid rules towards food. For example, “I cannot eat after 7pm or I will look ugly,” or “I can only eat dinner if I do an hour on the treadmill afterwards.” Of course, not all changes in appetite signify an unhealthy body image. Exam stress, for example, can lead to changes in appetite, but these cases are unlikely to involve specific rules and rituals around eating. 

Another big one is social anxiety regarding how people view them or how they present themselves. If they are struggling with their body image, they may feel the need to hide behind baggy clothes or isolate themselves because they feel ashamed of their body. Again, this can be normal to a certain extent. Children and teens are exploring how they express themselves through their clothes, trying to find what feels right, dealing with changing bodies, and trying to follow the latest trends. Something that could be indicative of deeper body image issues is if they say they don’t feel good enough or confident enough to wear something even if they want to, or if they say things like “I can’t wear this skirt until I lose five pounds.” 

Supporting healthy body image

Here are some ways you can help them navigate this and encourage realistic, diverse, and healthy body ideals:

• Help them be conscious of editing and realistic beauty standards—that what they see isn’t always real and that conventional beauty standards don’t actually make someone better.
• Introduce diverse role models. Start pointing out how attractive someone is, even if they don’t fit conventional beauty standards. 
• Discourage comparisons.
• Highlight that beauty is subjective and that everyone is worthy of love, regardless of societal beauty standards.
• Encourage them to hang out with people they feel comfortable with. Not feeling comfortable around other people can lead to self-consciousness. 
• Limit social media—seeing unrealistic body ideals all the time is unhealthy and increases comparison. If your child is still very young, it might be a good idea to monitor what they are watching and make sure what they’re seeing is diverse and realistic. 
• Look into your own beliefs surrounding body ideals as these can indirectly influence your children. For example, complaining about your own body, pointing out other people’s bodies or physical flaws, obsessive beliefs about food, and so on can fuel comparisons and encourage them to examine their bodies and eating habits in an unhealthy manner. 
• Encourage healthy eating—this does not mean demonizing junk food! Healthy eating is making sure you’re eating enough to fuel your body and getting enough different nutrients.

What can you do if you notice your child may be struggling with body image? NCS counselor Savinee says her number one rule is to have open conversations about it; ask open-ended questions and avoid asking “why” or directly telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, as that could trigger a defensive response. For example, ask “What do you feel like eating instead?” or “How do you feel about this meal?” instead of “Why won’t you eat?”. The things we discussed above can be a good starting point to help them reflect on how social media may be influencing their body image. 

Finally, remember this is a deeply sensitive topic, so it’s not unusual for them to react by snapping or withdrawing. Judgment and anger can make this worse. Instead, try to be gentle and understanding so as to create an environment of trust and safety. This can be both preventative and healing. It is understandably frustrating for a parent to see that their child is unhappy with their body, or that they don’t see themselves the way you see them, but your understanding and support can go a long way in influencing their relationship with themselves and their bodies, even if it may not feel that way right now. 

About the Author

Anna works for New Counseling Service (NCS), an internationally recognized mental health center in Bangkok with a diverse team of licensed counselors. NCS has provided counseling services in Thailand and surrounding regions for over 20 years, with therapists specializing in a wide variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, work stress, relationships, and more. ncsbkk.com/ncs/