How Co-Sleeping Saved My Sanity
By Kelly Patten
Before I became a parent, I frequently imagined what it would be like to raise children. Of course, they would never use screens, and they'd sleep through the night in their own beds! But as it turns out, it's much easier to raise imaginary children. While pregnant with my first daughter, I read several baby books to help us prepare for every possible scenario: Put the baby down drowsy, but awake. Follow an eat, play, and sleep schedule. Adhere to age-specific wake windows. But parenthood is nothing if not a humbling experience, and we quickly learned that babies don’t come with a manual for a reason.
My first baby was an easy sleeper—a unicorn, you might say. Around six weeks, she started sleeping through the night in her crib. We would pat ourselves on the back and get a blissful night of uninterrupted sleep. Around nine months that all changed. Suddenly, she could sit up and move and started to form strong opinions about being alone in her crib. I found myself stumbling through the dark hour after hour to feed her and try to get her back down. Many mommy groups, baby books, and Instagram posts suggested sleep training as the obvious and only choice. Do we get a sleep consultant? Should we let her cry? Pat her till she sleeps?
When she turned one, we switched to a floor bed. She was still waking through the night, but now she crawled into our bed for cuddles. We quickly realized that this felt so right for us as a family. My husband and I love to snuggle, and we don’t sleep alone, so why would I expect my baby to lie alone in the dark? It felt like a heavy weight being lifted off our shoulders when we found co-sleeping.
Fast forward eighteen months, and I was pregnant with our second baby. Our daughter still crawled into our bed at night but slept through the night once she arrived. I wondered how it would work when a crying baby suddenly joined the mix. As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about. Our second daughter is opposite in every single way to her sister, and from the start, struggled with sleep. Why sleep if you can have cuddles and milk all night long? Being a second-time mom is rewarding because I’m more confident in my decision-making. From the start, I realized that Baby #2 would be joining us in our, thankfully, very large bed. Her hourly wake-ups still left me bleary-eyed over coffee, but prioritizing my own sleep and well-being has helped me be a better mom for both of my kids.
Speaking to other moms, I’ve realized that most of us co-sleep or bed share at some point, and there is no shame in bringing your kids into bed when it maximizes quality sleep for the family. If you are considering co-sleeping, ensure that you are doing it safely. Babies should be on their backs on a firm mattress, free of blankets and pillows. I choose to wear a long-sleeved top that I can easily pull up for nursing and keep the blanket down around my knees. Long hair should be pulled back or braided, and everyone in the bed should be sober. The cuddle curl is considered the safest position for breastfeeding mothers to use when bed-sharing. This protective positioning prevents the baby from moving near a pillow, allows easy access for breastfeeding, and keeps the mother from rolling.
Sorting sleep routines with kids sometimes feels like rocket science. I realize that co-sleeping is not for everyone, but it has been life-changing for our family. I am eternally grateful for the precious extra minutes of sleep, as well as the extra cuddles with my family.
Disclaimer: Co-sleeping may pose risks. Please consult your healthcare provider for personalized guidance on safe sleep practices.
About the author
Kelly is mom to Freya and Daisy and recently went back to work as an early years teacher. She previously worked as a primary educator and literacy specialist. Kelly loves reading fiction books, listening to true crime podcasts, and watching Disney princess movies.