Keeping Relationships Strong Through Disagreements | Bangkok Mothers & Babies International

April 12, 2025

A husband and wife talk. — Photo by Aflo images

By Anna Zarchi

Relationships and marriages can be tricky. People are all unique: we come from different backgrounds and cultures, have different values and needs, and different ways of doing things. No two people are the same, no matter how similar, and even the closest of friends have their disagreements. Not seeing eye to eye on everything is normal; it’s how we deal with it that shapes the course of a relationship.

Communication

So how can couples keep relationships strong through disagreements and arguments? Much of it boils down to one main factor: communication.

New Counseling Service (NCS) counselor Rex stresses the importance of defining commitment. Ask each other these questions: What is our commitment to each other? What does that mean in terms of accountability? People don’t necessarily have the same understanding of what a relationship entails; therefore, conversations like this can help couples make sure they are on the same page.

Miscommunication often stems from assumptions. We naturally assume that people see and understand things the way we do, but that isn’t always the case. According to NCS’s founder and counselor Johanna, one of the most common causes of conflict among couples is how to split responsibilities. This includes finances, chores, taking the children to school, and so on. “These things need to be determined beforehand. Both parties should express their expectations clearly,” she explains.

Communication also means talking about your past, your values, and your needs. “Past experiences shape different needs and values,” NCS counselor Pam says. “Understanding your partner’s experiences can help you better understand where they are coming from.”

Relationships often go sour when values don’t align. If possible, try to find a middle ground where your values meet. Most importantly, respect each other even through disagreements. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about it—keeping things hidden can often be a relationship’s downfall. However, those discussions should remain calm and respectful.

Be aware of each other’s needs and try to imagine how the other person is feeling. NCS counselor Dave adds, “Don’t expect your partner to meet all of your social and emotional needs. Some needs need to be met outside the relationship, such as with friends and family.” This also helps prevent isolation.

Find a middle ground

Finding a middle ground doesn’t mean that one party should completely change their own needs to accommodate the other person’s—having mutual agreements on things like personal space and boundaries is much needed. If you have trouble finding a middle ground, you can always see a couples counselor or mediator to help figure it out. Couples counseling can be a great way to strengthen relationships. There’s no need to wait for a major issue to arise in order to see a counselor. You can either go ahead and book a session together, or, if you come in for individual counseling due to relationship issues, the counselor might recommend couples counseling if you’re comfortable with that.

How to constructively communicate

You might be wondering: “How do I actually put this into practice? It’s easy to say you’ll try to stay calm during a discussion only to lose your cool. Our counselors at NCS have compiled a list of communication tips that can help you and your partner engage in more productive conversations.

“I” statements

Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you”. Try starting with, “I think that…” or “I’ve been feeling…”. This helps center your words around what you’re feeling. On the other hand, starting sentences with “you” often leads to assumptions and attacks that escalate the argument. For example, “I’ve been feeling pretty lonely on the weekend as you’re often out with your friends. What do you think about having one day together and one day to hang out separately?” versus “You’re always going out with your friends and leaving me alone.” Try to imagine the tone that often accompanies these statements. The first one will likely elicit a better response that will help meet your needs.

Avoid “why” questions

Asking questions that start with “why” often requires a response that acts as a defense. For example, “Why are you always going out?” Instead, try, “I feel a little lonely since you go out a lot these days. How do you feel about spending some time together?” This and “I” statements help people avoid accusations.

Differentiate between fact and feeling

The way we express our feelings can often turn into a judgment. For example, “I feel like you never help me with anything” is a judgement, not a feeling. Expressing a non-judgmental feeling would be, “I feel pretty upset that you haven’t been helping out.” Upset is the feeling, and you haven’t been helping out explains how you view the situation without framing it as an emotion in itself.

Effective listening

Let the other person finish talking before responding. People often interrupt each other when they disagree, but this only leads to a heated discussion where both people are talking but neither is truly listening. Let your partner finish what they’re saying even if you completely disagree. Try to really hear them out despite your anger or frustration.

Summarizing

Once your partner has finished talking, summarize what they said and ask if you understood correctly. This prevents misunderstandings and ensures that you got the right message.

Using these tips does not necessarily mean that you will end up agreeing with each other. In which case the next step would be to see whether this is something you can agree to disagree on.

Last but not least, a healthy relationship should ideally be based on friendship. Spending quality time together is essential in strengthening a couple’s bond. Do something both of you enjoy, or take turns choosing an activity. Enjoy each other’s company without distractions—avoid work calls or excessively texting. And of course, continue having open conversations about your needs, values, expectations, and feelings. These things sometimes change as we grow, which can potentially alter the relationship dynamic. Talk about how these things have changed for you if needed, and try the tips given above.

About the Author

Anna works for New Counseling Service (NCS), the first and only licensed mental health center in the heart of Bangkok. NCS has provided counseling services in Thailand and surrounding regions for over 20 years, with therapists specializing in a wide variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, work stress, relationships, and more.

Contact: info@ncsbkk.com; Phone: +66-2-114-7556; ncsbkk.com; FB/IG: @ncsbkk