Leave a Legacy of Kindness
By Sheena Low
Our children are so lucky that they receive so much, but I was wondering how do we practice the act of giving in a way that truly sticks for the next generation?
Somaly Itzstein, my Australian expat friend living in between Bangkok and Siem Reap, and her inspiring grassroots campaign in Cambodia immediately came to mind. What had started as a personal quest to honor her own family’s history—her parents were refugees who fled the Pol Pot regime—soon became a powerful lesson in empathy for her children, Kavi (five) and Cha Cha (two).
What was happening, and what did people urgently need?
Somaly: Due to the shooting and bombing at the Cambodian/Thai border, families were forced to leave their homes with very little and became effectively homeless. They urgently needed basic necessities and tarps (tarpaulins) to make shelters for themselves.
When did you realize this wasn't just something you wanted to do, but something you had to do?
Somaly: The specific moment was the first day of supply shopping. I had my daughter with me, in a tuk-tuk absolutely full to the brim with food supplies. As I was making a video, showing all the stuff we'd bought with the donated money, I started to choke up; I was feeling so overwhelmed with the support of everyone behind me.
That was when I knew, this was what I had to do. Knowing that my parents' generation had had next to nothing to help them through their crisis, I knew that I had to help my people. It felt like history was repeating, and this time, I could do something.
That’s an incredible undertaking for one person. How did you even start? Did you have a fundraising goal?
Somaly: I actually didn't have a fundraising goal. One night I couldn't sleep, so I wrote a Facebook post about my thoughts and feelings, aiming it at my Cambodian community back in Australia. I put up my bank details and asked if anyone would like to contribute.
When I woke up the next morning, I already had AUD$1,000 in my bank account! I was in complete shock! Within a few weeks, I reached AUD$10,000. I guess everyone felt what I was feeling: this is what happened to our parents and grandparents, we must help!
With AUD$10,000 and two small kids, how did you turn that money into aid and get it to the right people?
Somaly: I found a group of expats who weren't affiliated with any NGOs, and we formed a team. We combined our knowledge and resources to buy supplies and find campsite locations.
All the donations came to my bank account in Australia, I exchanged funds as they came in and went to buy supplies from the local market. Buying local helped the market sellers earn a living, too. Win-win!
We bought hundreds of kilos of rice, noodles, and dried fish, plus tons of assorted clothes, soap, laundry detergent, and sanitary pads. We also bought loads of toys and school supplies.
The biggest challenge was finding the campsites that had the least help. My team searched for the more isolated campsites; we took a few detours, but we finally found them. I was lucky to have a transportation contact who helped immensely with vehicles to take us and the supplies all over the provinces.
How did you explain the situation to your children?
Somaly: We explained that these families basically have nothing, no food, no homes. Because we as a family are so lucky to have so much, it's the right thing to do to share our things and buy stuff for people who aren't as lucky as us.
Kavi understood this. It wasn't the first time he'd seen the underprivileged. We've traveled around Cambodia a fair bit, so Kavi understands that some families and kids don't have the same things that we do.
Kindness is learned by doing. When did the idea really "click" for Kavi?
Somaly: We didn't think Kavi could be kind. We'd see him being selfish with his sister, not sharing or playing nice.
But as he kept seeing me bring different supplies home, he'd ask me, “Mummy, is that for the Khmer kids?” He'd say, “That's cool, Mummy. I have this already, I want the Khmer kids to have it too.” That was the "click" for Kavi. Knowing that he has a lot of things already, and to want others to have the same as him.
He brought that same energy and empathy to the campsites as well. He was always the first to say, “Can I give the toys to the kids?” or, “Can I help give that to the Khmer people?” It always made my heart flutter to see him so caring and giving to people he had never met before.
This kind of work is intense. What was the most challenging part and what did you learn?
Somaly: The most challenging part was definitely adding to my mental load. I already had the full mental load of the kids and household, and now I was adding managing donations, organizing supplies, coordinating transport, and communicating with community leaders.
I'm lucky my husband Nigel is so supportive. He knows my family's history and how connected I am to my motherland. We've also been volunteering at a local government school with English classes, and we've involved our kids during their sports day activities. Seeing our kids play barefoot with all the other Khmer kids is such a joy to watch!
What did it mean to your parents, who were refugees themselves, to see their child and grandchildren actively taking on this cause?
Somaly: This project definitely connected three generations. My parents fled horrifying times, and to see this happen all over again was just so shocking. They just can't believe that they are seeing this tragedy again in their lifetimes. That is why I'm so drawn to help. Knowing that my parents had to go through this when they were teenagers, I could not sit by and do nothing.
Being a daughter of Asian parents, I rarely hear compliments or validation. But my mum said something I've never ever heard her say before: “I'm proud of you.” She even shared all my social media posts, captioning them, “I'm so proud of my daughter. Love seeing you help our people.”
In my 38 years of life, I never thought I'd see the day my mum would say those words to me. UNBELIEVABLE!
Any last messages?
Somaly: Nigel and I have always felt that we needed to show our kids how privileged they are, because sometimes their behavior is not appropriate. Because of my background, we wanted to physically show Kavi how other people live and teach him gratitude and respect.
We started off with letting him give small change to homeless people on the street or introducing him to local kids to play with. Living in Cambodia, I'm hoping I can teach my children not only my family's history and culture, but also to be grateful for what they have and to be kind to others, especially those who have less.
About the Author
Sheena is a mother to three-year-old August, runs Super Fly Honey, a brand that makes technical activewear for pole dancers around the world, and dreams about writing children’s books. After three years with a lot of yoga, deep friendships, purposeful retreats and IFS therapy, she realizes that becoming a mother is actually a superpower.