The Power and Paradox of Multi-Generational Homes
By Deshna Bhansali
The other night, my three-year-old daughter Avira asked, “Mumma, when is Nani coming?” Her eyes sparkled at the thought of her grandmother’s visit. For her, those few weeks every year when grandparents come over feel like festivals—filled with laughter, stories, and endless pampering.
That simple question reminded me how much children crave connections that stretch across generations. It also made me think of the homes I grew up seeing—where three generations lived together, where grandparents weren’t “visitors” but part of everyday life. In many parts of the world, multi-generational living is still the norm. For others, like us, it has become a distant dream.
The gifts of multi-generational homes
A built-in support system
One of the greatest blessings of extended families is the support they bring. Parenthood can be overwhelming—between work, house chores, and the unpredictable energy of toddlers, you often feel stretched too thin. In a multi-generational home, the load is shared.
I remember when Avira had a high fever. Both my husband and I were anxious, juggling medicines and sleepless nights. In that moment, I longed for my mother’s presence. She has that steady confidence that makes you feel everything will be OK. Whenever she visits, that’s exactly what she brings into our home—a calm that allows me to breathe easier.
Emotional security for children
For children, grandparents offer something unique. Their love isn’t hurried or distracted: it’s patient, unconditional, and grounding.
When Avira’s Nani and Dadi come, she clings to them, follows their every step, and begs for stories of “when Mumma was small”. She laughs at their lullabies, imitates their habits, and absorbs traditions without even realizing it. Those moments shape her more than I sometimes can in the rush of daily life.
Lessons that last a lifetime
Extended families are also classrooms of life skills. Children watch how generations care for one another. They see parents respecting elders, elders guiding children, and everyone adjusting to each other’s needs. Without lectures, they learn empathy, patience, and respect.
I’ve seen Avira insist on carrying her grandmother’s glasses or fetching her water. To an adult, it may seem small. But for her, it’s her way of caring, of being responsible. These are seeds of compassion being planted early—seeds that quietly grow in the soil of daily family life.
The challenges no one talks about
Of course, multi-generational living isn’t always easy.
Different generations, different views
Parenting styles can clash. One person might believe in discipline; another may say, “Let her be, she’s just a child.” Food, routines, even screen time can become points of disagreement. I’ve watched friends struggle to find balance in such setups. It can feel like walking a tightrope—grateful for the support yet drained by constant negotiations.
Privacy takes a back seat
There is also the reality of space. Young couples often find themselves without privacy or independence to build their own traditions. Every decision—from what’s cooked in the kitchen to how late the lights stay on—becomes a shared affair.
Dependence can creep in
Sometimes the support system tips into dependence. Parents might lean too heavily on grandparents for childcare, or elders might expect constant attention from the younger ones. Without balance, what begins as harmony can feel overwhelming.
Living away from home
For families like ours, the reality is different. We don’t live with grandparents. We live far away in Bangkok, while they are in India. This means we miss out on the daily presence, the wisdom, and the shared responsibilities that multi-generational homes bring. But it also means when they do visit, the moments are treasured.
When Avira sees her Nani or Dadi after months apart, she runs into their arms as if no time has passed. The house is filled with laughter, old stories, and new memories. For her, their presence is nothing less than magic.
And when they leave, there’s a silence that takes days to get used to. But Avira holds on to them in her own way—retelling their stories in her play, singing the songs they taught her, sometimes even correcting me with, “No Mumma, Nani says it like this.”
Their absence makes their bond even stronger. It may not be the constant embrace of a multi-generational home, but it is a bond woven with longing, joy, and memory.
Walking the middle path
So, is living in extended families always ideal? Maybe not. It brings undeniable love and support, but also clashes, compromises, and blurred boundaries.
And yet, what strikes me is this: whether we live under one roof or across continents, family finds its way. Some thrive in bustling homes where three or four generations sit down to dinner every night. Others, like ours, create smaller homes, enriched by visits that feel like festivals.
A warm reflection
When I watch Avira curled up in her grandmother’s lap, I realize it doesn’t matter how often we are together. What matters is the love she feels at that moment. It’s enough to teach her she belongs to something bigger than herself.
Family, after all, is not about structure, it’s about connection. It’s not about how close we live, but how deeply we love. And whether it’s the daily warmth of a shared roof or the once-a-year magic of a reunion, the truth remains: love travels across generations, across distances, across time. That is the true power of family.
About the Author
Deshna Bhansali is a finance professional and storyteller, originally from India and now building a life in Bangkok. With quiet grit and relentless effort, she’s created her own support system. Her daughter, Avira, is her joy and mirror—reflecting the strength and self-belief behind her journey.