Presence: The Language of Connection
By Claudia Gomes
I believe the end of the year has this special power over us, the power of reflection. It invites us to look back and notice how we’ve been showing up in our relationships. That’s exactly what I found myself doing this December: observing how present I was with others throughout 2025, and who I’ve been in my daily interactions.
When I speak about relationships, I don’t mean only the romantic kind. For me, a relationship is any form of interaction with another human being—in the elevator, on the street, at work, with family, friends, colleagues, business partners, or even strangers. Every encounter is an opportunity for connection.
I can say I’m proud of myself in this area of my life. I’ve been working on it for many years, and I can see how much I’ve shifted, both in how I relate to others and how people respond to me. Is presence everything? Not everything, but definitely a pretty important part. It makes a real difference when you are able to be fully with the person in front of you. You know how that feels, when someone is truly there. And you also know how it feels when they’re not.
At this time of year, families come together, emotions run high, and logistics often get in the way of peace. I had to learn to work on my presence, and I’d love to share some reflections and practices that might help you strengthen yours, not only for the holidays but all year round.
What is presence?
Presence is the ability to focus on the present moment, without worrying about what’s next or replaying the past. It means paying attention to what’s happening right now: noticing details, sensations, breathing, tone, and energy. It’s not only a mental activity but a full-body experience. Presence includes your awareness, your empathy, your eye contact, your calm breath. It’s the moment when your mind, body, and emotions are aligned.
In my work with leaders and families, I’ve found that presence is one of the hardest things to cultivate. It requires deep self-awareness and emotional regulation. You can’t fake presence. People can feel when you’re there, and when you’re not.
Why presence matters
When we’re not present, we are more prone to mistakes and misunderstandings. Our minds wander to “What do I need to buy for dinner?” or “How will I handle that tomorrow?” or “Why did I say that earlier?” Training your mind to stay here and now is essential to connecting with what is truly happening, rather than only focusing on what’s in your head. Human beings have three fundamental relational needs: to be seen, heard, and valued. When you’re not paying attention, you miss the subtle details that could have deepened a conversation or healed a moment of disconnection.
As a coach, I’ve learned how transformative presence can be. When I give 100% of my attention to a client, not only out of respect but as part of the process, I become a mirror. My role is to reflect back what I’m seeing, hearing, and sensing so that the other person can see themselves more clearly. It’s powerful. It changes lives. Presence transforms everything.
The holiday mirror
The end-of-year season can range from moments of beauty and connection to tension and conflict, sometimes all within the same evening. Presence can help manage expectations, reduce misunderstandings, and deepen joy. It allows you to see situations more clearly and respond rather than react. When you’re able to pause before speaking, you create space for empathy and truth to arise.
When emotions are running high, logic and objectivity tend to disappear. Conversations become reactive, and misunderstandings grow. If you notice yourself getting carried away, take a few deep breaths—three to five is enough. Deep breathing slows your nervous system, grounds your energy, and brings you back to your senses. From there, you can choose your words calmly rather than defensively.
Simple practices for everyday presence
What we focus on can literally rewire our brain, a process known as neuroplasticity. But attention is a limited resource. Use it wisely. Emotional states can also affect focus, and vice versa. In relationships, this means choosing quality over quantity. It’s not about how many hours you spend together, but about how fully you show up in those moments. Here are some ways to improve the quality of your time together.
Take a moment of silence before a conversation: Pause to reconnect with yourself. Bring your mind, body, and emotions into the same space. Feel what you’re feeling, without judgment.
Put your phone away during meals or quality time: Be with what’s in front of you. Savor your food. Look at the person you’re with. Presence is an act of love.
Practice active listening: Listen to what is being said, and what isn’t. Notice tone, gestures, pauses, and body language. Reflect back what you sense: “It sounds like this meant a lot to you.” Presence isn’t just silence; it’s engagement
Ask real questions: Instead of “How are you?” try “How are you really?” or “What has been on your heart lately?” Presence is about curiosity, not performance.
These simple acts can bring your relationships to a healthier, more authentic place. They help you show up as yourself, and allow others to do the same. When you care without an agenda, you create freedom. You step out of old patterns and family conditioning and into conscious, compassionate connection.
Presence with yourself
Being present with yourself is, to me, the most important thing. Knowing who you are, respecting yourself, living according to your values, and communicating your needs, these are the foundations of genuine presence. Working on yourself, understanding your past, releasing old beliefs, and healing emotional wounds are what make your presence consistent and grounded. Presence begins from the inside out. The more connected you are with yourself, the more present you can be with others.
Presence can be the greatest gift of this season, and the beginning of a new way to live. Family moments can feel different. Relationships can be rebuilt. The way you connect with others can truly transform.
And remember, self-awareness isn’t a straight line. There will be ups and downs. You’re not alone on this path, and there are professionals ready to support you in your journey of self-discovery.
About the Author
Claudia Gomes is an expert in emotional intelligence and intercultural awareness, and an ICF-certified Level 2 transformative coach. With 19 years of international experience in Spain and Thailand, Claudia is an expert in bridging cultures and fostering global collaboration. She has spent the last 15 years in Bangkok. contact@claudiagomes.coach; linkedin.com/in/claudiagomes-coach/