When Things Fall Apart

By Claudia Gomes

Parents wake up and the clock starts counting down. Breakfasts to prepare, school books to find, forms to sign, reluctant kids to wake—all against the clock. Finally, leaving the house late—more stress, traffic, complaining kids. This might sound like a typical family morning routine.

On paper you’re organized, everything is written down, you’ve calculated the times and planned all the details. And still, it feels like it isn’t enough. A system that was supposed to make things easier … doesn't.

Believe me, there is nothing wrong with you. It’s the system that doesn't fit your real life. When people talk about organization, it often sounds like a cake recipe. But you and I know, not everyone likes the same kind of cake. Some people find that organization feels comfortable and easy for them, but that is not the case for everyone. 

There are so many people online with perfect rules and if you follow them, you will be organized. As if not following them means you’re doing something wrong. It can even make us feel like: “I can’t keep up, I am failing.” The idea should be to have a system that works for your family, not the other way around.

Why good plans fail

In daily life, we are constantly dealing with planning, execution, and outcomes. We need to remind ourselves that this is stressful and takes up mental space and energy, so emotional regulation is needed for both parents and kids.

If you live abroad, you live the expat life with all its challenges: frequent moves, a probable lack of support, language barriers, different time zones, new environments, new friends, new cultures. Add in the additional challenges of Illness, sleep deprivation, and transitions and it’s no wonder our plans don’t always work.

We are not failing at organizing ourselves. It can simply be difficult to manage everything and make it work flawlessly every day.

The compassionate pivot: what to do when everything falls apart

My goal is to help you keep yourself centered while you work on your journey to find the best way to organize your family life.

Pause without self-blame: Take a moment to stop. Breathe, deeply. Calm your body. Feel your feelings. Understand that things happen, and that you will find a solution for it if you allow yourself some time to reconnect with yourself. Without any self-blame. It was not your fault. It was not supposed to be perfect; it could fall apart. It was supposed to be adaptable. Like you.

Check the emotional temperature: Talk to your family. See how everybody is feeling about the situation. What were their expectations about what was supposed to happen? What could you do differently as a family next time?

Lower the bar temporarily: Life is already complex, so how can you simplify your routine? Maybe by preparing simple meals, cancelling non-essential tasks, or focusing on connecting more with your family. Find what is important and prioritize that. Understand that you will make it work, just don’t let the world, or yourself, judge you during the process of getting there.

Repair the moment: Moments of chaos are complicated because emotions have a tendency to run high. Remember that these moments help us understand more about who we are and how we can deal better with situations. First take a moment to reflect on your actions, then teach your kids how to reflect on theirs—without blaming or accusing. People tend to learn best when it’s fun, creative, supportive, and when it feels like the family is helping each other.

One tiny reset: Change one thing at a time. Try new ways. Allow the whole family to learn through the process. Adjust the system so that it really works for all of you.

Rethinking family organization: systems that adapt to real life

Here are a few ways to improve your strategies with more compassion:

Good enough: I can already feel some disapproving eyes, but it is true! Good enough is better than perfect if it works for you. If it makes things happen. If it makes your family happy. If it makes you happy in the process. Think about how you are spending your time, and if it is what you want for yourself and your family.

Weekly check-ins: Why does it work in companies? Because it helps people come together, understand each other, and agree on next steps. Treat your family as a team. Teach your kids while they are young. Make them feel that they are part of the process, that they have a voice as well.

Color coding for essential things: Help your family identify things easily, recognize what is what, and make fast connections about where things are and where to find them.

Take 10-minute resets: Take a moment to rest, rethink, and recharge. Remember to breathe deeply and give your body time to recover.

Spontaneity and downtime: Pay attention to whether your schedule allows this. It shouldn’t be too rigid nor structured to the point where creativity loses space. Allow new ideas and suggestions to happen.

Seasons: Holidays, school transitions, moving houses, and so on are all big changes. Learn from each process. Allow yourself to not know what to do. Allow yourself to grow and achieve something new. Allow your family to have a smooth new season. Make them feel like this is something you do together as a family, not a burden everyone is running away from. 

Teaching children emotional responsibility—not perfection

Children learn much more from your energy than your instructions.

If they feel invited into the family process, they will behave like they belong.
If they feel excluded, they will act like outsiders.
If they feel capable, they will act capably.
If they feel trusted, they will take responsibility.

Kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present. And they don’t need to be perfect either. They are learning, just like we are. So teach them:

• collaboration over control

• problem-solving

• emotional honesty

• how to repair after conflict

• how to ask for help

• how to take small responsibilities

This is what creates a family that works, not perfectly, but together.

The beauty inside the mess

The majority of our learnings come from messy moments. Allow yourself and your family to learn and grow with them. When we talk about putting things in order, maybe what we are really trying to say is that we want peace, harmony, agility, happiness, and connection. Is there something else that comes to your mind?

A family is not a system that needs perfection, but a relationship that needs presence. The family system works when everyone is on board, when there is agreement, when everyone feels included, feels they belong, and feels heard. It works when you feel you are part of the family, not because you were born into it, not because of imposition or drama, but because you feel you are.

When plans fall apart, when organization doesn’t work, when things don’t go the way you want, remember: breathe, pause, and reconnect. Your family, your little team, is there with you, not against you.

Families don’t need perfection. They need each other.

About the Author

Claudia Gomes is an expert in Emotional Intelligence and Intercultural Awareness, and an ICF-certified Level 2 Transformative Coach. With 20 years of international experience across Spain and Thailand, 17 of them based in Bangkok, she specializes in bridging cultures, strengthening human connections, and fostering meaningful global collaboration. contact@claudiagomes.coach; linkedin.com/in/claudiagomes-coach/